fragrance of beauty

Where to go from here...an odd way to begin, but that's the thought in my head tonight. Things haven't been great (see last blog post...I just re-read it myself...ha!); confusion...disconnect...lost passion...I'm finding I can't live well with a loss of passion. The popular Christian mantra is not to rely on feelings...stick with what you know; when times get tough, rely on what you know... True to a point, but that only works for so long with me...I can use the garden wall to prop me up, and I appreciate the bricks; they are concrete and solid and I can hold them. But without the beauty, without the stirrings of deep wonder and love and awe, I wither, slowly. Sometimes you know God is real, but you need to feel it to change, to move. Sometimes I need the scent of the garden to turn to it, to remember that it is there, it is real--that it is beautiful and waiting only for me to enter.