Turn up the still small voice

I've always wondered something, or maybe it's just that I could never make the concept harden into concrete. In a situation where you have to make a decision, not between right and wrong, but a life decision toss-up--should I go here or there, take this job, live with these people, do this for the summer...how can you determine God's will. Maybe I've just been afraid to voice the question before. It seems like the concept of praying for God's guidance is a one of those elementary faith issues. People always talk about having or not having a peace about a situation, or a feeling of God's leading--but I never seem to feel that way. When I'm faced with a decision, I pray about it, yes, but nothing seems to happen--at least nothing by way of a holy nudge or a cosmic, flashing neon sign. Things just seem to work out or they crash from the sky when the motor fizzles out; I take the opportunity that presents itself as God's will because it is there. In that case I feel more reactive than proactive. Maybe I just need to listen more--so I can hear that still small voice more clearly.

It's not that I expect to get the whirlwind or the roaring flames--but sometimes I've afraid I've missed the still small voice. Maybe I'm just thinking too hard; maybe I just wish I could hear that voice in my heart so I can know for sure I'm doing the right thing; maybe I'm just looking for some certain security that I'm living God's will for my life. Sometimes I wonder. Does wanting to do God's will equal doing it?

Yet sometimes I can look at my life and know without doubt that I've had absolutely nothing to do with where I am. I'm like Philip, snatched up and plopped in the middle of the desert next to an Ethiopian chariot--I'm in this place, I don't know how I got here, but I can see the purpose--or at least I'm catching a glimpse of purpose. Other times both roads look the same, and I can't discern God's will. But perhaps this is all part of being human--not God--to press on when you aren't certain. Pray, seek guidance, then use your brain and whatever feelings you might have to make a logical decision. It's just that everything isn't logical. And the question always remains....how do you really know?