the big, bad worry monster

It's over now--the big interview with Caribou. I thought it went as well as possible, and now the only thing to do is continue waiting, the verb that seems to define every aspect of my life at the moment--from employment to house hunting to my aspirations for a "dream career" to any sort of plans I still want to scrounge up for this summer. Jen's blog really captured the feelings a lot of us recent grads are probably having...a longing for security and stability. Having my life be post-graduation gives me not only a lot more time to think but a lot more time to worry...about the future, finances, things I can't control (but would sure like to get my little mitts on).

Sometimes I feel like I have to make "trust God" my little mantra--something to repeat to myself anytime the big bad worry monster rears it's slimy, tickling antenna in my brain. I know (from experience and the advice of some wise people) that "just try harder" is about as effective as trying to "just try harder" myself to the moon. No matter how hard I try to escape gravity, my feet are still glued to the ground. So I'm back to repeating my mantra, because little else seems to work, but it seems so much like the old try-harder game that I feel at a loss as to just how to "trust God more." Not like there's some 5-step solution to it anyway... Though sometimes the idea is tempting when I'm itching for answers and for something besides questions.

Hello...anyone still out there?

Wow...I haven't written for 3 million years...seriously. If anyone is still checking this thing, it's a miracle...

I think the reason I haven't written in so long is (besides the ridiculous busyness of my last semester in college) that I've mostly been too tired to think about anything beyond getting my homework and studying done, getting my capstone projects written. There isn't much space in that world to think and move and grow--even though the things I did stretched me in many ways. But in other ways, I feel like I've been out of touch with the deeper parts of myself--like everything that has been happening has mostly been skimming the surface, with only brief dives into the part of me that wrestles with questions and strives, always, for answers--the deep, true, rich answers. I'm starving for that; I'm thirsty...

Anyway...thoughts are brewing again (finally)...so there will be more posts